Im going to recall a few of dates that i have had - a few you will have heard before if you follow me - but - some are new ! - So -
OK - Firstly : definition.
A coffee date is simply a first-time, in-person meeting with a potential romantic partner (PRP), usually over coffee, USUALLY COFFEE - BUT NEVER EVER EVER TEA - TEA DRINKERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED, AND WILL NOT MAKE IT TO 'COFFEE' - COFFEE - NOT EVER EVER TEA !,
Usually resulting from initial online contact,
and usually resulting in the Three Ds:
Disappointment,
Depression and
Despair. Just kill me now !
A coffee date is not unlike a job interview,
except your date does not validate your parking and usually ( I should underline usually here ! ) does not ask for an example of how you prioritize and deal with multiple deadlines.
Having logged loads of coffee dates, I have consumed what scientists refer to in technical terminology as a butt load of caffeine.
Consequently, I've been unable to fall asleep for the past nine years.
I am exhausted, Oh Maybe this though is a result of my bloody illness ?!
OK - so - to start a Date - I always think this next question sorts the men from the boys !
If they have done any sort of profiling they should KNOW that I am a Coffee Connoisseur and should answer accordingly !
" Hot, cold or iced? "
Another non sequitur, but by asking this question i get an idea of my date's capacity for fun.
I can also tell if he happens to want to have a good time on the date. An icy answer means he is going to be hard work !
Another good question to throw in - obviously when they least expect - but - don't get in their face - this may cause panic - their panic - just keep it calm -
" Nutty, chunky or smooth? "
No explanation is necessary for this question. If he looks at you oddly after you've asked the question, simply move on. He's not nutty enough. If he answers with a smile, then his choice doesn't matter; he's a fun date.
Thank Christ I possess intelligence, personality and charm, because i don't have money, fame or stamina !
Well - half hour to an hour meeting with someone who could very well turn out to be your LRP (Lifelong Romantic Partner), your Beshert, your soul mate. Sounds exciting and romantic
Exciting and romantic? Oh, you poor, misguided creatures. A typical coffee date is exciting and romantic in the same way that a colonoscopy is soothing and carefree
Well - I've had the good, the bad, and the ugly. In terms of dating, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen coffee dates that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times where I could not find a friend without paying £8 for a couple of Costas !
Yeah - Because - MOST guys don't insist on paying these days ! GUYS - YOU SHOULD PAY ! At least for the first coffee !!
Okay, I can see it in your eyes. You want specifics. You want the specifics? You cant handle the specifics! But Ill give em to you anyway.
Ive had dates who have never even showed up. They forget the day or time, or something or someone better comes up.
Or he shows up looking more like the father of the guy in his posted photos.
Some spend the entire coffee date talking solely about themselves without asking me one thing about myself.
Please explain that one to me !!
Granted, some of my dates have been considerate enough to present their red flags right from the start.
One of them lived with his mother, had no car, and suffered from about five unusual medical conditions.
Not an issue - But - I have my own medical conditions to worry about !! Which I tell people about BEFORE MEETING !!
Another admitted he was fifteen years older than the age he'd stated on his dating profile. When he saw that, that indeed did bother me, he accused me of being superficial.!
Another .... and get ready for his - turned himself white for his photographs on site - he was a colored guy - Now THIS one really puzzled me ! I'm NOT racist, He was a lovely fella - BUT LYING does my nut in - and he had LIED - so - i did not see him again ! I even had to double check with a friend to make sure I wasnt going mad - But No - Kathy even said YUP - He is Black in real life !
Another chap with deadly food allergies carried a hypodermic needle for me to inject into him should he go into anaphylactic shock, and again - this did not bother me - i'd jab anyone anyday - but - i think a bit of warning would be nice !
You could not make it up ! Then there was the Giant - 7ft5" he hated people staring at us, now - please - im 7ft5" wide - and he is tall - people are going to stare ! - He then went into Tourette Type Swearing and threatening to take everyone on ! - Thank god i'm not phased - and just told him to calm down and behave himself ! He then informed me he was on a GBH charge because he pulled a knife on a WPC - But it was her fault as she had his meds ! - " Oh Your on medication " " Yes " For the Schizophrenia "
- Oh great !!
I do not want to give you the idea that all the weird and negative stuff came exclusively from the men I dated. Because I'm equally guilty and would like to confess to a number of sins
I've given up on relationships way too soon
I've stayed in my ONE Proper relationship way too long
I've found someone i like - I text them CONSTANTLY !
I may stalk - just a little bit !
- Well =
People HAVE to be checked out - do they not ?
The only conclusion Ive come to in matters of the heart is that you just never know.
Every person is different.
Every relationship is different.
And if you are lucky, you will meet someone with whom you will just click. And that will make all the rejection, all the chase, all the disappointment, effort and heartbreak of the past worthwhile.
The romantic payoff.
He is out there somewhere ! I'm still looking !!
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