DATING DISASTER OVERVIEW .....

OK - So Dating - it's not really different for a Fatty as it is for a regular size person - but - well - i do seem to get my fair share of - mmmmmm - now - how can i put this nicely ?? JERKS !!



Im going to recall a few of dates that i have had - a few you will have heard before if you follow me - but - some are new ! - So - 

OK - Firstly : definition. 


A coffee date is simply a first-time, in-person meeting with a potential romantic partner (PRP), usually over coffee, USUALLY COFFEE - BUT NEVER EVER EVER TEA - TEA DRINKERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED, AND WILL NOT MAKE IT TO 'COFFEE'  - COFFEE - NOT EVER EVER TEA !, 



Usually resulting from initial online contact, 
and usually resulting in the Three Ds: 

Disappointment, 
Depression and 
Despair. Just kill me now ! 

A coffee date is not unlike a job interview, 
except your date does not validate your parking and usually ( I should underline usually here ! )  does not ask for an example of how you prioritize and deal with multiple deadlines.

Having logged loads of coffee dates, I have consumed what scientists refer to in technical terminology as a butt load of caffeine. 
Consequently, I've been unable to fall asleep for the past nine years. 
I am exhausted, Oh Maybe this though is a result of my bloody illness ?! 



OK - so - to start a Date - I always think this next question sorts the men from the boys ! 
If they have done any sort of profiling they should KNOW that I am a Coffee Connoisseur and should answer accordingly ! 

" Hot, cold or iced? " 
Another non sequitur, but by asking this question i get an idea of my date's capacity for fun. 
I can also tell if he happens to want to have a good time on the date. An icy answer means he is going to be hard work !

Another good question to throw in - obviously when they least expect - but - don't get in their face - this may cause panic - their panic - just keep it calm - 



" Nutty, chunky or smooth? " 
No explanation is necessary for this question. If he looks at you oddly after you've asked the question, simply move on. He's not nutty enough. If he answers with a smile, then his choice doesn't matter; he's a fun date. 



Thank Christ I possess intelligence, personality and charm, because i don't have money, fame or stamina !
Well - half hour to an hour meeting with someone who could very well turn out to be your LRP (Lifelong Romantic Partner), your Beshert, your soul mate. Sounds exciting and romantic

Exciting and romantic? Oh, you poor, misguided creatures. A typical coffee date is exciting and romantic in the same way that a colonoscopy is soothing and carefree
Well - I've had the good, the bad, and the ugly. In terms of dating, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen coffee dates that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times where I could not find a friend without paying £8 for a couple of Costas ! 

Yeah - Because - MOST guys don't insist on paying these days ! GUYS - YOU SHOULD PAY ! At least for the first coffee !! 

Okay, I can see it in your eyes. You want specifics. You want the specifics? You cant handle the specifics! But Ill give em to you anyway. 




Ive had dates who have never even showed up. They forget the day or time, or something or someone better comes up. 
Or he shows up looking more like the father of the guy in his posted photos. 
Some spend the entire coffee date talking solely about themselves without asking me one thing about myself. 
Please explain that one to me !!


Granted, some of my dates have been considerate enough to present their red flags right from the start. 
One of them lived with his mother, had no car, and suffered from about five unusual medical conditions. 
Not an issue - But - I have my own medical conditions to worry about !!  Which I tell people about BEFORE MEETING !! 
Another admitted he was fifteen years older than the age he'd stated on his dating profile. When he saw that, that indeed did bother me, he accused me of being superficial.! 





Another .... and get ready for his - turned himself white for his photographs on site  -  he was a colored guy - Now THIS one really puzzled me ! I'm NOT racist, He was a lovely fella - BUT LYING does my nut in - and he had LIED - so - i did not see him again ! I even had to double check with a friend to make sure I wasnt going mad - But No - Kathy even said YUP - He is Black in real life !




Another chap with deadly food allergies carried a hypodermic needle for me to inject into him should he go into anaphylactic shock, and again - this did not bother me - i'd jab anyone anyday - but - i think a bit of warning would be nice !  

You could not make it up ! Then there was the Giant - 7ft5"  he hated people staring at us, now - please - im 7ft5" wide - and he is tall - people are going to stare ! - He then went into Tourette Type Swearing and threatening to take everyone on ! - Thank god i'm not phased - and just told him to calm down and behave himself ! He then informed me he was on a GBH charge because he pulled a knife on a WPC - But it was her fault as she had his meds ! - " Oh Your on medication " " Yes " For the Schizophrenia " 

- Oh great !! 



I do not want to give you the idea that all the weird and negative stuff came exclusively from the men I dated. Because I'm equally guilty and would like to confess to a number of sins
I've given up on relationships way too soon
I've stayed in my ONE Proper relationship way too long 
I've found someone i like - I text them CONSTANTLY ! 
I may stalk - just a little bit ! 
- Well = 
People HAVE to be checked out - do they not ?
The only conclusion Ive come to in matters of the heart is that you just never know. 
Every person is different. 
Every relationship is different. 
And if you are lucky, you will meet someone with whom you will just click. And that will make all the rejection, all the chase, all the disappointment, effort and heartbreak of the past worthwhile. 

The romantic payoff.

He is out there somewhere ! I'm still looking !! 






.

MEN / WOMEN AND THE DATING GAME !

DATING SHOULD NOT BE A BLOODY GAME !

I'VE DONE IT AGAIN - TRUSTED, WORE MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE - BUT - I STILL CONCEDE - I'M SURE THIS ONE WAS DIFFERENT !!

I'M SURE HE WAS !

I'M SURE !

SURE ...

BOLLOX

I DON'T BLOODY KNOW ANYMORE !

MEN -

OK - I know they are NOT all the same ! - BUT - With experiences I have had ( OK is not alot )
I'm getting more and more sceptical that a decent one is out there
( MY FATHER and VERY FEW MALE FRIENDS are the ONLY good ones among us ! )
( and before a good friend shouts at me - I KNOW JOHN - I KNOW - SOME WOMEN ARE JUST AS BAD !! )

Quick Over View -

MARRIED First Ever B/F and Went on too have two kids - Together 21 years - ish - he got ill - Crumbling spine - Surgery - decreased mobility - THEN i got ill - Pituitary Brain Tumors - Personality change, HUGE weight gain - Many Many other problems - Waits for me to be so bad, that HE then had enough - so Up's and leaves WITH THE CHILDREN. ( Which are now back with me - and all going OK - ish ) ............ The EX ... Well, He cannot even talk properly now to me.

Since then ( Two Years ago ) I have had about 7 dates - and when i say 'date' I mean in a coffee shop - or at my own house FOR A COFFEE - yes - i know everywhere says you should NOT invite guys back - have guys round - but - being the type of person I am - If they did anything i did not like - If i did not get to them first - the dog would - so i have no issues there !!

OK - I will work on individual dates in their own post - BUT .... This one is about the latest guy ...

OMG - GULLIBLE ME THOUGHT I HAD FOUND THE ONE !

Me - I am VERY in tune with people - very good at people reading and very keen on body language and I pick up even the smallest of details - WELL - I THOUGHT I DID !

From the Start, Darren ( NO - I am NOT changing his name - because he will know it is about him if he reads - and - frankly - no-one else knows him - so !! - what does it matter ! ) and I 'hit it off' - I always make sure we speak on the phone before a coffee date, because voices to me are a big deal ! = I don't want to go out with Joe Pasquale ! ( Even though i am SURE he is lovely - THAT voice would - without a doubt, grate !! - and YES - I am aware that mine - to many, is very common and piercing too !! No - You do not have to tell me ! )

Of the dates I have enjoyed, the most rewarding were the ones where I had actually already spoken to the guy on the phone. The cadence and timbre of their voice carries a lot of information.
Do they rush or interrupt ?
Are they excited ?
What words do they choose to express their thoughts ?
Do they even express their thoughts ? !

Words. Powerful words. The sound of the human voice gives me a nearly three-dimensional picture of the person. Who they are - what they stand for. And those early on cues, I am keying on are often well below the language and into the actual feeling I get at hearing the person’s voice ... But - I need to hear dialect to feel and to understand them ! - Does that make sense ?

Darren and I had nearly three hours - outright, on the phone - we BOTH did not stop chatting, both interested and attentive, a brilliant start - so i thought ....

OK - so the initial chat had gone superbly, Next - the Meeting - The Coffee !!
He was outside the house 30 mins before he should have been - but - i was on the computer - and had a feeling there was a car there - but - did not look - Then the Phone went

" I'm actually outside " - he said
I looked out of the window !
" Ohhhhhhhhhh shit - YOU SHOULD HAVE COME TO THE DOOR YA NUMPTY " - lol - probably not the best ever thing to say upon finally meeting - but in hindsight - a good thing - because it put us both at our ease

I went and wrestled the dog out of number one place at the door -
NO ME FIRST
NO ME
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr me me me First
me me me me me !
I pushed her out of the way with my knee
and opened the door - Complete with dog barking !
I pushed the dog back with a foot - held the door open with the other foot, and tilted my head beckoning him into the hall way !!
He bent down and ruffled the dog's hair - Well - she loved him from that point on wards and left us alone !!
We smiled at each other and he grabbed me, and gave me a huge great bear hug - ok - he was not a big guy - Well - he was Tall about 5ft10" - but he was not - built, shall we say !! Just normal !! We both really enjoyed the hug - it felt just right - normal and natural and warm - lovely,
I walked through to the kitchen = " Wanna coffee " I said
He could not stop looking at me - In a nice way - Putting me completely at ease,
To which he replied " Naaaa - Just a water would be nice, thanks ! "- it was a boiling hot and sticky day - and he had just traveled two hours to see me ......... sorry - just in case you missed that -
TWO HOURS DRIVE TO SEE LIL OLDE ME !! wheww whewwwww !!

Anyways - got him an iced water and we went and sat in the front room - Instead of sitting on the sofa on the opposite side of the room - like the other guys had done - he came and sat - slap bang - right next to me - and this immediately, felt right !
Well - we chatted about anything and everything - Laughing and joking and listening and coaxing information, There were definitely electricity between us - and yes- he mentioned it too so it was not me running away with myself ! He very gently and very calmly looked into my eyes, as we spoke and laughed - we chatted - and he just stroked my leg - the electric between us was immense.
Anyways - we spent the whole evening deep in conversation, Both totally feeling at home and natural - it was lovely - 12pm came - and he said - due to being in London early - he would leave and come back on the Thursday - The next day of mine where the kids were with their dad - so - I had the house quiet and to myself ... This suited me - Can't wait !

We BOTH spent Weds and Thursday Texting and Whatapp'ing and Phoning each other - all felt so habitual - maybe that was the problem ?! - But - it was electric and there was definitively something there, for both of us ... We had a fabulous time Thursday - The cat ( Who HATES everyone ) spent the evening on his lap and we ate ice cream out of the tub and chatted and laughed and had a cuddle, kiss and Natural Progression without being sordid - Then - 12pm came and he had to go because - due in the West End again in the morning - oh he also said he had to go home via his parents ( at 12pm ) to give his dad a jab for pain because he had broken his hip - and his mum could not do it - well - OK - seemed very late for injections - but - OK - i'm no doctor ....  ) Off he went .....
He messaged me when he got home - saying he had had a lovely evening and how wonderful i was, and how good i looked and how he loved my curves, and how he could not believe he had found me on a dating site.
He Went on about me not being so worried that he was going to wander off - and he would always be there - we had such a connection that he could not walk away now even if he wanted too ... PMSL - and i believed it all ...... He and I both came off the website we met on - and we both carried on chatting and phoning and laughing - On more than one occasion he would tell me he would be by my side as often as possible - and he re-iterated that he was so busy with work - but even tho - when he was not texting and phoning - he would be thinking of me .... HOW DARN CUTE IS THAT !

Well - He did tell me he would not be able to make a visit over the week-end - BUT he would be there as early as possible Tuesday evening - Well - I bought in special water for him ( OK - That sounds naff - But - i had made the effort to get in stuff he liked !! )  - I had also ordered in a burger - That he fancied - and cleaned the house from top to bottom - and this is no mean feat with two kids - two cats a long hair dog and an invisible illness !! Once again - a LOVELY LOVELY EVENING - lots of chat - and normal, flowing enhancement to our relationship - all amid laughs and electric spark - Then i started to get tired - so he left - again - 'Having to give dad his jab' ...... I made a big point in asking if he was married - and why he had never been married or had kids - and well - he laughed - looked me directly in the eyes and said CATEGORICALLY that he was NOT married - had no kids and not really had a long term Girlfriend because he worked such long hours - and well - yes - I could tell this was true because the car he owned was a Brand New Merc SK1 .... Not in the slightest interesting to me - but - apparently - according to the noisy neighbours - it was a beautiful and very expensive model !  Well - Once again - We kissed goodnight - and he said he was so looking forward to seeing me again Thursday - but he would keep in touch - BUT - to be aware that tomorrow he was REALLY busy and would not be able to text much - but - NOT to worry  as he would when he could - and really all he wanted to do is be by my side ! - so - OK - I believed him - and off he went ! -

I then did my usual and had a little look on google at his profiles - DARREN HUNT - or rather i tried too - lol WELL - NOTHING !!! - Very very odd - i could Not find a thing on him - and i am very good around a computer and can usually find details about people - and ok - this sounds dodgy - but - it's normal is it not - to want to make sure someone is who they say they are ? - I have nothing to hide and openly tell people to look me up - it's nothing secret ! - but - well - nothing !! - So - anyways - I went into my Linkedin account ( Business ) and LOW AND BEHOLD up comes his picture - ( Must have linked me through phone numbers ) and MMMMMMMM - He has given me a wrong surname ! HE IS NOT A HUNT
( and No - I did not change a letter at that point - i am not as course as that ! -
 but - ok - i may have thought it ! )

 

We spent Weds chatting a bit - and He phoned - Just to see if i was ok - all lovely
Then i could not shut up - and i shouted at him that he had lied to me - I told him i knew he had given me the wrong surname - and what the hell was going on - WAS HE MARRIED? I asked.....
And once again - adamant that he was NOT - he said he would tell me everything on Thursday
HE WAS NOT MARRIED, did NOT have kids, He lived in his own flat - with his sister ( who had moved in whilst his dad recuperated )  and i was making too much of things - but - he would tell me everything now that we had this relationship going - and yes - if i wanted - i could tell people - and yes next time we meet - on Thursday we would take selfies and put them on the internet etc etc ...
I even heard him on the phone telling his co-worker that he was on the phone to his new girlfriend, and to hang on - so - Even then - i did not really doubt what he was saying

  Then THURSDAY !

Well - I had a fair bit to do myself Thursday - so did not text as much as usual
Then - I know he leaves at 5pm - so i text him at 6pm saying
" DRIVE SAFELY AND SEE YOU SOON ! "
To which he replied .....
" Wish you had said that earlier :( xxx "
I asked what the matter was and he text me back - all spelling wrong and double letters - saying he had gone into the back of a transit - or rather been pushed - and hit his head
I WAS NOW VERY VERY VERY SUSS
I asked if he was OK - Not letting my thoughts mar the communications
another 'dodgy text saying
" bbein rrrushedinto hhospital, Kinnngs i think, feelreallllybad, wish i was withhh youu - i neeeeeed a cuddle "
Before this, his texting etc etc had been spot on .. so - ALL VERY ODD - I phoned him -
He put it to answer phone .............. but 3 minutes later - HE PHONED
He sounded terrible - really did - and that you can NOT put on - really sounded like a bad head trauma - He said he could NOT answer the phone in the hospital, but saw it was me, so he had come outside - he wanted to talk and tell me what had happened - Kept saying he did not know where the car was - but he had phoned his brother who was going to come up - He then told me someone had come outside for him - and he had to go - But - he would be in touch and he was really sorry that he had missed our evening, but he would be in touch.....

WAS IT AN EXCUSE ? - IT SOUNDED SO REAL ...



Well - I did not hear from him for 24 hours - Then - eventually - he text - and said they had kept him in for observation - and had now let him home - he was outside the hospital waiting for his brother to come round with a car to take him home - we spoke for a while - Then he had to go ... but he would phone when he got home .......


HE DID !! - well - an hour and a half later - he phoned and we spoke at length about what had happened - and his head - and how he felt - and how he did not know where his car was - and just the fact that he wanted to be with me ............ But - once he had sorted the car out - he would - and he couldnt wait to see me again - and i had kept him going -

WELL - NOT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE !!!

I have Messaged  - and Whats'apt - and Phoned = NOTHING

phone rings and goes to answer phone - ALL TEXTS AND COMMUNICATIONS GET IGNORED

I even said -
"  I think you are dead after a brain impact - please just let me know you are OK " - and still nothing !

OK - so the Car accident was Thursday, I heard from him twice Friday - and that was it -

NOW IT IS TUESDAY !

PHONE AND TEXTS BEING IGNORED .... after categorically stating that he would NEVER ignore me, and i should / may have to be patient / but PATIENT and STUPID ???  - and seriously he was so genuine - and his whole aura and personality trait backed up my thinking that he was a good guy - I am actually really really upset and worried - and thought i seriously had found a decent and lovely fella - Is he dead ? - Is he a player ? ( I doubt, as he was so plausible )

WHY THE FUCK DO MEN DO THIS !!!

IT REALLY IS NOT ACCEPTABLE !!!

JUST TELL WOMEN THE TRUTH AND STOP PLAYING GAMES

IF ILLNESS IS THE REASON - GET SOMEONE ELSE TO TEXT

BEING LEFT 'NOT KNOWING' IS HORRIBLE

ESP IF YOU HAVE A BLOODY ANXIETY ILLNESS SIMILAR TO MY OWN !

I JUST NEED TO KNOW HE IS OK !

FOR FUCK SAKE - MEN !!